That’s where Anna comes in. She keeps me grounded and in control. While being a prison, it’s a safe space for me to be. The prison is like a religion and the warden is God. Anna speaks to me from sun up to sun down- no rest for the wicked. The cell is lined with mirrors and she tells me what to see. I can always feel her with me in every part of my body. I never feel lonely. She promises me perfection if I abide by her rules. If I reach perfection, I will reach absolution and maybe then I will get to leave the prison cell. I would never doubt Anna because she is the only person who will ever care about me.
As much as I love and trust her, I hate her. A small part of my brain that still lives outside my prison cell tells me not to listen to her- she is bad news. I should fight back and leave her and the prison cell behind me forever. I want to tell her that I am strong enough to make my own decision and live my own life but she has made me weak. My mind is tired and my body is broken. I belong to her now. Anna- I surrender.
ROBIN JUPITER’S DIRECT STATEMENT: I’m mentally challenged, I’ll put it that way. I wrestle with suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depression, and little thoughts here and there. But I don’t believe it’s a disability; I only believe it alternates my way of thinking which plays into how I do things and gives me the ability to multi-task, work efficiently, and be excessively creative in my pursuits, ambitions, goals, talents, achievements, and roles. I get over it by dealing with my friends who are honest enough to help me balance out my social skills and work with me through them, and help me know I can still be myself without having to change everything.
Here is one link to find Robin with his music robinjupiter.bandcamp.com
What has 2017 brought to 2018 for me? Many things. But lets take a step back to January 2017 when I had surgery. I woke up on the table in the middle of the surgery, I reacted to the medication, I got an infection & I was In and out of the hospital, family doctors and wound care up until June 2017. In this time frame this is what happened.
I was forced to read books because I didn’t want to just sit and watch tv, but I had to sit & rest. The books I choose to read were self help books. I was learning that I didnt love myself, that I needed to face some of my fears, what affirmations were, and so much more. I knew this was going to take alot of energy, time and self reflection. I completed the exercises in the books, I took them seriously because I started believing and I wanted it bad enough. In March I took a picture because a tree that was on the Hamilton mountain brow looked so beautiful with the blue sky. Yet when I looked at the picture closely I noticed there was a star in the tree. I felt the energy through my body and discovered within days that there was light. All my affirmations, I put out there were happening. All my ideas, things I wanted to do, things I wanted to share.
I was asked by my aunt Cathy to watch her house out in the country, at first I said no. I was then encouraged by another aunt Angie that I should face my fears. Again affirmations working. I decided I was going to face one of my biggest fears. Staying in a country house by myself due to childhood trauma when I was abducted out in the country, I’ve never put myself in this situation before. One week later out in the country I will begin shating my continuous journey of self healing, self reflection and most of all self love by facing my fears in many ways.
While sitting at my aunts house, as apart of my healing I developed a Hamilton cafe tour where I would share my life story on a flyer to over 300 cafes. I called it Tree of Stars on tour. I printed out flyers and off I went. In the process of handing out flyers, I started having chat sessions at different locations, I had a showcase releasing my new canvas pieces that tell my story. I included music, food & auction prizes. It was a great turn out. Approximately 70 people showed up. Apart of my cafe tour I accumulated a volunteer position, I offered a location to have youth open Mic which I ran from May until August. I had other locations where I ran in the summer for adult open Mic where I would hand out free cupcakes for hugs. It was a great turn out as well.
In all of the above going on, meeting new people, sharing my story, I decided I would have the meet ups with anyone that wants to come, I created Journal nights with suggested and guided topics, once every two weeks & currently once a month youth open Mic.
I work two fulltime jobs as a child and youth worker and as an Educational Assistant, I also have my canvas piece located at 4 different cafes that are displayed and for sale.
I’m also taking a business course at the YMCA to educate myself further on some amazing ideas to expand the Ideas of Tree of Stars in some areas of potential.
One of the projects I funded & developed was I reached out to many female musicians to “lend a song” to help raise funds 100% to St Joesph Health Care Foundation “youth wellness centre” The album will be released March 4th 2018.
Sharing my story I have had so much healing, by meeting new people and hearing their stories. I know that it’s okay not to be okay, I also know I’m enough, it’s the moments I feel like I’m in that dark hole again, I need to continue to love myself. How I’m going to do that is through my affirmations, believe that things will be okay, know I made it this far, continue to write in my journal, connect & share with people, inspire & create. I will meditate, and yield into more physical activities. Loving yourself doesn’t come naturally it’s an ongoing process and takes work just like anything. Also learning to forgive is a daily exercise.
I wanted to write this blog as a reminder on how far I’ve come in 2017. What 2018 brings I’ll leave up to the universe and my vision board. I know it can be cold outside and feel frozen and broken on the inside, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me this I know.
Reminder if anyone is interested in hearing my story Abandon Abducted Abused ADD Addict Arrested in detail…I share in meet ups only.
Happy New Year to you all.
Facebook: Jessica Compton or
Facebook Page: TREE OF STARS
Here is my uniqueness as an artist, My story is to be told, but not found on line, I carry with me the blogs every where I go. In order to hear my story you have to connect with me face to face. The pieces and blogs are not for sale.
Connect with me 🔑
Facebook: Tree of Stars
YouTube: Tree of Stars on tour
When we don’t love ourselves
When we think were not enough
When we give up
When our struggles are real
When everything is raw
When we can’t get out
When our triggers keep saying hello
When our demons pour down our face
When we have no rocks
When we want to cut or jump
When we want to hide
When we have a chill
When our chills becomes a tide
Who is there? I am…or at least…
I try to be…
Please check in with others.
I care, we care, together let’s march 🔑
J.Comoton-Tree of Stars