January 2017 I had surgery. I woke up on the table in the middle of the surgery, I reacted to the medication, I got an infection & I was In and out of the hospital, family doctors and wound care up until June 2017.
I was forced to read books because I didn’t want to just sit and watch tv, but I had to sit & rest. The books I choose to read were self help books. I was learning that I didnt love myself, that I needed to face some of my fears, what affirmations were, and so much more. I knew this was going to take alot of energy, time and self reflection. I completed the exercises in the books, I took them seriously because I started believing and I wanted it bad enough. In March I took a picture because a tree that was on the Hamilton mountain brow looked so beautiful with the blue sky. Yet when I looked at the picture closely I noticed there was a star in the tree. I felt the energy through my body and discovered within days that there was light. All my affirmations, I put out there were happening. All my ideas, things I wanted to do, things I wanted to share.
I was asked by my aunt Cathy to watch her house out in the country, at first I said no. I was then encouraged by another aunt Angie that I should face my fears. Again affirmations working. I decided I was going to face one of my biggest fears. Staying in a country house by myself due to childhood trauma when I was abducted out in the country, I’ve never put myself in this situation before. One week later out in the country I will begin sharing my continuous journey of self healing, self reflection and most of all self love by facing my fears in many ways.
While sitting at my aunts house, as apart of my healing I developed a Hamilton cafe tour where I would share my life story on a flyer to over 300 cafes. I called it Tree of Stars on tour. I printed out flyers and off I went. In the process of handing out flyers, I started having chat sessions at different locations, I had a showcase releasing my new canvas pieces that tell my story. I included music, food & auction prizes. It was a great turn out. Approximately 70 people showed up.
Apart of my cafe tour I offered a couple of cafes to have youth open Mic which I ran from May until August. I had other locations where I ran in the summer for adult open Mic where I would hand out free cupcakes for hugs. It was a great turn out as well. Giving back to the community is passion and a purpose for me.
In all of the above going on, meeting new people, sharing my story, I decided to have meet ups & peer to peer support I created Journal nights where i suggest and guide topics, once every two weeks & currently once a month youth open Mic.
I work two fulltime jobs as a child and youth worker and as an Educational Assistant, I also have my canvas pieces that have been sold in many different cafes.
I’m also taking a course to educate myself, expand some of my Ideas for Tree of Stars.
One of the projects I funded & developed was I reached out to many female musicians to “lend a song” to help raise funds 100% to St Joesph Health Care Foundation “youth wellness centre” The album was released March 4th 2018.
Sharing my story I have had so much healing, by meeting new people and hearing their stories. I know that it’s okay not to be okay, I also know I’m enough, it’s the moments I feel like I’m in that dark hole again, I need to continue to self care and selflove. How I’m going to do this, is through trying to eat healthy, journaling, reading, yoga, hiking,creating, playing guitar, and most of all reaching out to resources when I need them.
All I know is I made it this far, and also knowing that loving yourself doesn’t come naturally it’s an ongoing process and takes work just like anything. Also learning to forgive is a daily exercise.
I wanted to write this blog as a reminder on how far I’ve come in 2017. What 2018 brings I’ll leave up to the universe. I know we can feel cold, frozen and broken on the inside, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me this I know.
Reminder if anyone is interested in hearing my story Abandon Abducted Abused ADD Addict Arrested in detail…I share face to face and in presentations.
Facebook Page: TREE OF STARS